|Whenever I’m spinning and catch myself wasting energy, I think, “IF I’m lucky, I have another 50 years on this earth. Is this how I want to spend my time?”|
In my younger years, that meant adventure and adrenaline. From hang gliding in Southern Illinois to zip lining in Costa Rica, I wanted to live it up. I’m still unsure why, when I can’t cross a seemingly stable bridge in my car without sweating and chanting, “breathe, breathe, breathe,” I thought I’d enjoy a tour of hanging bridges. But now I know.
Yesterday, Gavin had an appointment with his regular veterinarian, who found a melanoma on his back leg and was going to give me her opinion on whether she could easily and simultaneously remove the growing, benign mass in his ear with an (also) easy recovery. He’s been through so much recently, and I don’t want to put his body and sweet spirit through more than necessary.
I’m grateful that it was good news and that he doesn’t need anesthesia or antibiotics for the upcoming procedures. I was also a bit nervous that appetite-reducing antibiotics might adversely affect our ever-changing pill-eating routine.
As we were leaving, Gavin yanked me towards the potty area. Something he rarely does unless his tummy rumbles, and with the stink coming out of his booty during his exam, I thought maybe he had to do number two. As we approached the grassy area, I saw a woman sitting on the bench who looked unbelievably sad. She remarked on how cute Gavin was, and I responded earnestly that the pomeranian sitting on her lap was adorable too.
The woman started crying and then apologized for her tears. I then learned that Gavin took me to a woman who was about to say goodbye to her beloved dog. In the short exchange, she shared that her mom was texting her hateful messages about her decision, but her best friend worked at the animal hospital so that she would be by her side.
I couldn’t help but cry too. But, the moment wasn’t about me, so I told her what gave me peace when I had to say goodbye to Finn, for him, that it’s the hardest, kindest, most selfless decision I’ve ever made. And, wanting to give her and her dog the space and time they needed, I said, “I send you love and light,” and asked Gavin to go to the car with me.
It turns out that Gavin didn’t need to potty. And, I don’t know if my words or intentions helped the woman. But, I know that the frustration I was trying to let go of after wasting an hour at a city office trying to get a new parking pass for my street no longer mattered. I know any inkling of feeling bad that Gavin has to have another extremely minor procedure vanished. And, I know that I tackled a chunk of my looming backlog of Quickbooks with peace and gratitude that I had the luxury of doing so in my quiet yard, on a perfect-weather-night with my sweet, equally perfect boy gnawing on his Chuck-It balls in front of me.
May your day and weekend be what you need to feel alive to the fullest.